xXx: Return of Xander Cage

It's been 15 years since Vin Diesel walked away from his XXX role, killing off the character before the 2005 sequel. Both films were pretty terrible, mindless action connected by the thinnest imaginable plots. And this franchise relaunch is just as random, with a nonsensical thriller storyline that exists merely to string together a sequence of explosive stunt trickery. Thankfully, this time the cast and crew make it clear that they know how preposterous this is.

No, Xander (Diesel) isn't dead. He's whizzing around the jungles of the Dominican Republic, wooing sweaty, scantily clad babes and keeping the locals cheering at his exploits. Then CIA black ops director Marke (Toni Collette) appears to draft him back into the XXX programme, because she needs to recapture a gadget terrorists are using to drop satellites from orbit onto carefully chosen targets. OK, sure. X assembles a team of his old pals (actually newcomers, played by Kris Wu, Ruby Rose and Rory McCann), plus a hot computer geek (Nina Dobrev), and chases down the team of equally extreme baddies (Donnie Yen, Deepika Padukone, Tony Jaa and Michael Bisping). And as they head to London, the Philippines and Detroit, everyone realises that there's something else going on here.

There probably isn't a law of physics that isn't broken in this movie. These characters fly, are shot, fall from great heights and are blown to smithereens, but emerge unscathed, apart from their excessive tattoos (Xander has somehow redesigned his logo neck art for the reboot). Refreshingly, everyone keeps their tongues firmly planted in their cheeks, winking at the camera at each ridiculous moment. Such as the chase in which motorcycles magically transform into water-bikes. Or when Xander does a spot of Alpine skiing through a rainforest. Or the frankly jaw-dropping weightless fight scene in a power-diving airplane.

More: Vin Diesel Needed To Play A 'Very Happy' Character After Furious 7

As expected, characterisation and plot coherence are not concerns here. The women are tough, sexy and virtually naked. The men are oiled up to strike various macho poses. And Collette storms right through it all, fabulously chomping on the scenery and her costars. She almost makes the film a must-see. But then, everything is so over-the-top that it can't help but amuse the audience even as it bludgeons us into dazed submission. Make no mistake, this is a terrible movie that doesn't even try to make even a whiff of sense. But it's also good for a few laughs if you don't mind the hokum. Basically, Diesel has managed to create a franchise even louder and dumber than Fast & Furious.

Watch the trailer xXx: Return of Xander Cage: