Say It Isn't So

This time out, we get American Pie alum Chris Klein and the saucy Heather Graham in what is undoubtedly the crudest film we will ever see. That is, at least until Tom Green takes center stage in Freddy Got Fingered later this year.

The brain-dead premise of Say It Isn't So has Klein falling in love with the local beauty (Graham), only later to be told they're brother and sister. She runs off to marry another guy, and when Klein discovers they are not really related, he makes like The Graduate to stop the nuptials. What follows is a sad, pathetic procession of jokes about the "sister slammer" and the poor town of Beaver, Oregon, where much of the action takes place.

Even some promising supporting players like Orlando Jones and Sally Field do little but embarrass themselves on camera for an hour and a half. Field, who I had hoped would eventually save the movie, is even reduced to wiping a sandwich on her armpits "for salt."

If that's your idea of funny, you'll be happy to know things degenerate even further from there. The movie gets worse and worse until finally we find Klein up to his elbow in a cow's rear end. I suppose that will have to pass for comedy in director James B. Rogers' directorial debut. Sadly, he's also on tap to direct American Pie 2. So much for that promising franchise.

If you're determined to see this movie, I don't figure this review is going to stop you. So when you go, you deserve what you get: Sitting for a few hours among your steaming, seething, loud-mouthed brethren, all honking their butts off and talking back to the screen as a paraplegic Jones being beaten with his own fake leg. Say it isn't so, y'all.

He's in pain. So are we.