Pocahontas

In real life, Pocahontas was an Algonquin Indian who is said to have prevented the execution of colonist John Smith in 1607 by her father when she was only 12 years old. Since Smith couldn't speak Powhatan, his interpretation of the events may be mistaken, but it's generally thought today that the story is true. In thanks, Pocahontas was later captured by settlers at Jamestown, taught English, and taken to England where she was celebrated as an "Indian princess" and married off. Before much time could pass, though, she got smallpox (or some other disease) and died at the ripe old age of 23.

In Disney's movie, Pocahontas (Irene Bedard's voice) is a nubile teen who romances John Smith (who arrives via ship with a Governer in tow), can speak to racoons and trees, and prevents a wholesale war between the British settlers and the Indian tribe. Smith (voiced by Mel Gibson) leaves, while Pocahontas stays behind.

Historical idiocy aside, Pocahontas is just not a very good movie. Without an interesting story to play to, the film relies on its music to carry the day -- and even though it's not strong in comparison to other Disney efforts, "Colors of the Wind" won an Oscar, as did the film's score. Instead, the directors look to animated rodents and flora to keep children intrigued.

But it doesn't work, and the crude animation makes everything come across as choppy, angular, and extremely low-budget. I'd rather sit through Lilo & Stitch again than suffer through another round of Pocahontas.

Alas, Disney has put Pocahontas out on DVD, which adds deleted scenes and two extra songs (with all new animation). Disney's usual production documentaries and retrospectives are included on a second disc, should you somehow find the energy and interest in getting up to put it in your player.

We're all pink in the Magic Kingdom.

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